I had my yearly physical today... and according to my doctor I am obese. She was very kind and concerned about it, she didn't come out and tell me I am a fatty or anything but honestly I was so shocked! I mean, I obviously knew I had been putting on a few pounds and that I can certainly be healthier than I am but obese? Seriously? How the hell did THAT happen?
Part of the issue (as she explained) is that I am so small (just not round the middle). I am 27 and only 5 feet tall and weight 170lbs. So that kind of weight on my frame just has no where to go.
I feel like I know EXACTLY where it goes..my chest, and I HATE it. I honestly I have no idea what my chest size is because I already hate how big my boobs are. I like it better not knowing and just pretending they aren't as big as I suspect they really are. For reference, however, the LAST time I actually got fitted for a new bra I was a 40 D and that was probably 2 years and at least 20 lbs ago. I bought the same size bra just a few days ago and it does not fit, I suspect I might even be a DD at this point. I have actually been considering a breast reduction but am concerned about doing it before having kids since that will only make my chest bigger again anyway. But what do I do if I do wait and have the kids and my chest gets gi-normous and I accidentally suffocate myself to death in my sleep? It's a problem.
But back to the weight issue. I am trying to lose the weight and am working on exercising and eating right and I feel as though I am doing pretty well. I honestly think I have lost some weight recently and I feel as if I can just keep up with the exercise I can get this accomplished. Until I think about the fact that my doctor wants me to lose at least 40lbs to be on the high end of healthy. I just don't know if I can do that, it seems like an awful lot of weight.
I am also so ashamed and embarrassed that I have let my self get this way at such a young age. I ought to strutting around like some hot young thing enjoying my youthful beauty and vigor. Not hiding in too-big t-shirts and buying jeans from Goodwill because I refuse to "waste" money on fat pants and am too embarrassed to shop for clothes in the Plus size store. *SIGH* Like I said, it's a problem. A big, depressing, confidence crushing problem.
The worst part is that in retrospect I realize that it has been effecting my marriage for some time but I didn't notice. I am so self conscious now about how I look that my sex drive has dropped to almost nothing. My hubby thank goodness is still as interested as ever but we have been having conflicts about it because I never want to do it. In large part because I get embarrassed to have him see me like this naked, especially when I know he can remember when we first started dating and I WAS hot and skinny. So then I start worrying about him wising I still looked like that and that leads to me worrying that he won't want me like this and that kind of thing really doesn't lend itself to being in the mood.
I am trying to stay focused on just making sure I do what I can but this whole thing is very disheartening.
4 comments:
If you want to send some of that boob-age over my way, I'd be more than happy to take it. I'm no where near hot and thin, plus, I have to wear victoria's secret miracle add a cup bra to make me even look like I have anything. It stinks.
With the weight thing, I wouldn't think about the 40 pounds; that is a lot to to handle and overwhelming. I would just go for 5 pounds or even 3 pounds and be happy over those. And then keep building on that.
But what do I know? It's way late here and I'm eating a gigantic bowl of ice cream to reward myself for not killing any of my kids today.
i know exactly how you feel. it's odd when we get happy by being married or finding a good partner, we gain weight.
Just pace yourself and don't beat yourself up. i have found that if you set mini-goals, you have more progress. good luck!
I have no idea where the huge boobs came from since both my mom and sister are A's at best but it seems I am stuck with them at least for now. Believe me, if I could will some of my amble bosom over to someone else by sheer mind power I would!
It really is true though about being fat & happy. I love my husband but most of this weight has come on since I met him. Oh well, at least that means he keeps me happy. I just hope I can stay happy but lose some of the weight.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Thinking good thoughts for you here. And I agree with Cthe14,000--it's funny how being happy means a lot of us gain weight.
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