The Awkward House Guest

This weekend one of my husband Dan's college roomates came for a visit. I have nothing against my husband's friends visiting or staying with us for the most part but this one is a bit different.

See, originally Joe and I were friends long before he even knew Dan. Not dating or anything like that, just friends. Joe is one of those really needy people that is hard to be friends with. You know what I mean, this type of person is so wrapped up in their own life and their problems that all they ever want to talk about is themselves & their problems. They are completely usless if you have a problem or need advice because as soon as you start talking to them the conversation topic is changed back to their issues.

Joe also has trouble with women in that he falls in "love" all the time. Usually one good conversation is enough to convince him that he loves you and he then starts persuing you. He is not so good at the persuing so it usually ended in his heart getting "broken" when he is enivitably turned down. I say enititably because the falling in love, persuing, and delarations of love all usually take place within a week or two of each other. In all honesty, he comes off as being pretty desperate which is never attractive. Never mind that most women get creeped out when someone they have only known a week tells them he is in love.

Joe and I ended up having a huge falling out because of this. He had cycling through being in "love" with all the females in our friend group and I was next. I had been watching him do this (and being his chosen confidant at the time listening to the aftermath) for several months and knew I was next. I decided to head him off and before he got the chance to say anything to me, I let him know that I had noticed his extra attentions and while I was flattered, I was quite happy with my boyfriend at the time (pre-hubby) whom Joe knew I was already dating.

Shortly after this Joe informed me and several others we were friends with, via email that he felt that we were not of compatible personalites and more importantly, that he just didn't feel as though he was getting enough support from us. So, he was writing to let us know that he could no longer be our friend and was severing all ties and all communication. He had found a new group of people that suited him better and he was going to be spending his time with them now. It was never easy being Joe's friend but we were friends non-the-less and all of us who got excommunicated were all pretty offended, hurt and angry with him for a long time. Not the least because all us "non-supportive friends" had been listenting to all his problems for years and trying to help him.

So, flash forward several years. I meet and start dating Dan....who happens to belong to the new group of friends Joe had moved on to. I let Dan know early on what happened and while I didn't care a bit if Dan wanted to be friends with Joe, I wasn't having anything to do with him. Things were awkward and uncomfortable at first but I was never rude and always made an effort to put Joe at his ease. I got over it pretty quickly just because it was very obvious that Joe was having a hard time having me around. He was always visibly uncomfortable and embarassed whenever I was there and would go out of his way to avoid talking to me if he could.

I have never tried being Joe's friend again. I don't care if Dan wants to be although I personally feel that it is a waste of time. When Dan and I got married Dan really wanted Joe to be one of his grooms men. I wasn't very happy about it and felt like it was an honor wasted and one which would have been better bestowed upon one of Dan's other friends, but in the end agreed. If Dan likes the man enough to still be friends with him after all these years and to have Joe in his wedding party who am I to say no? It's not like it meant I had to pretend I was friends with him.

Sorry for the long back story but now you all know why when the two nights Joe was supposed to spend with us turned into five I got so PISSED OFF!!! Joe is not organized, he is not considerate, he is selfish and self promoting and completely & deliberatly oblivious to things that may be inconvient for him. He planned to visit & stay with several other people this week but somehow forgot to actually ask if it was okay ahead of time and ALL of them fell through. The only person he had asked to stay with ahead of time was Dan and I think that was because Joe knew I would flip out if he just showed up without permission.

So my sweet, soft hearted husband feels bad that Joe has no where to stay and tells him it is okay if he stays with us for his entire visit WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST!! To top it all off, I had been away several days before Joe arrived. So my first night home with my husband and I got to spend it listening to Joe bemoan his most recent failure in dating all evening instead of snuggling with my sweetie. Tonight is his last night here and once he is gone I am going to have a talk with Dan so that this does not happen again. I don't mind Dan befriending Joe, but I DO mind the fact that it never occured to Joe that it might be inconvient for us to have him stay 5 days instead of 2. I don't want him getting into the habbit of thinking he can always crash with us at short notice any time he likes.